Remnants Of A Broken Love

For those who are unaware, the fairy tale ended May 2007. Exactly a year and a day after we renewed our wedding vows, my world came crashing down and Darkholm decided it was over.

We'd been having some problems for a little while, but I wasn't too concerned. We'd had problems before and made it through them, but this time was different. I'd started spending the night with my best friend twice a month. no big deal really. We'd go to a cheap movie, dye our hair, take care of the multitudes of kids in her family. I thought the time apart would help our marriage. You always hear all these people on TV saying that couples need to set up times when they can get away from each other. Don't listen. It might help some people, but it tore apart my marriage without me even knowing it.

On May 11, 2007 I went to stay with Sandy. I thought things were really getting better between Jimmy and I and I told him if we didn't already have plans to go to the movies that I wouldn't even go. I also promised him it would be my last trip down there. He didn't like me going, but he didn't seem to have too much of a problem with it. We had plans to go to his mother's house on the following Sunday for Mother's Day and I was planning on spending the rest of the weekend with him once I got home. I was actually happy with our marriage for a change. I guess he wasn't.

Things get complicated here, because I didn't find out all the facts until after he left Missouri in October. I was supposed to be home on Saturday, but Sandy had to take her son to the hospital. It was near midnight before I got a hold of Jimmy to let him know what was going on. At that time he told me not to come home. Accused me of having an affair and said our marriage was over. Said my stuff was packed in my car and that I could come get it in the morning when he wasn't there because he didn't want to see me. I was devastated. I had one of the worst panic attacks I'd ever had up to that time. Sandy thought she was going to have to take me to the hospital. She calmed me down and told me not to worry. He'd cool down by morning and that I could go home then. Instead, when I went home he was gone and my stuff was packed in my car just like he said. Left me a rather mean note typed on the computer. Told me it was over.

He did call me later on that day and tell me he needed to talk to me in person. Threatened to destroy what stuff of mine was left if I didn't show up. I could have went home then, but his conditions were outrageous. No more internet access, no more friends, I had to find a job and pay half the bills, and we had to get divorced and he was allowed to do as he pleased. I told him I had to have time to think and went back to Sandy's.

I got a job working at a donut shop in Seneca and stayed with Sandy for months, until her husband got tired of me being there. All along I would go and see Jimmy. Some times we'd get along, some times we'd fight. His cousin Leonard was there all the time, acting like he owned the place. We fought more when he was around, when he wasn't Jimmy acted like we were working things out and that we would get back together. We were even still sleeping together.

Jimmy still wouldn't let me come home, so when I left Sandy's I moved in with a guy I knew from work. He was nothing more than a friend. He had a 3 bedroom place all to him self. My daughter and I each got our own room. Jimmy didn't look at it the same as me, though. It just strengthened his accusations about me having an affair.

When August came I was sure it wouldn't be long before we were back together. We were talking. I was visiting him every night after work. I'd got a second job in Neosho. Leonard was still a problem when he was there, but since I got off work at midnight, he usually wasn't around. Well, my birthday came and I was really feeling down. No one even remembered it, so I took off work at lunch to go see Jimmy. I was hoping he'd cheer me up, instead I caught him with the next door neighbor. I called him from my cell phone. He thought I was still at work and denied anything was going on. Roxanne yelled hi to me, so he couldn't deny she was there, but he denied the rest. I was so devastated, I wanted to die. I went and sat in the cemetery where my dad is for a while, but I didn't have the means to kill myself so I went over to see Jimmy. We got into a hugh fight over Roxanne and then her friend showed up and he started really getting smart with me. Told me that they hung out there now (Roxanne was supposed to be my friend, but she never came over when I was there) because I was an uptight bitch that nobody wanted around. Found out that Roxanne and Crystal had been there everynight that week and that Roxanne had even spent the night at least once. I left, but returned once more to find that a drug dealer friend of Roxanne's had been to our house and that Jimmy had scored some meth. I gave him a ride to Wal-Mart and he ended up telling me he loved me, but I was so upset by everything that had happened. A few days later he wanted me to stay, not sure if he meant the night or forever as he was always saying I could stay the night, but I couldn't come back to stay. I told him he'd really fucked up on my birthday and that I needed some time to think.

Well, my car broke down and I lost my second job, so I didn't make it back up there for a while. I tried calling and e-mailing him, but he wouldn't ever answer me. When I did make it up there the end of September, he told me that he was going on vacation in Colorado in November. Going to be there for 3 weeks - during our anniversary - and of course he was going alone. Said he was going to stay with some guy he'd been talking to online. I was upset. Asked him why he never took me anywhere, never wanted to do anything with me, but now he was going on vacation. He was very cold to me and said that sometimes it just wasn't any fun growing old with someone. When I returned a few days later, Leonard was there and his suit cases were packed. I asked him why and he said he'd had a change of plans. He quit his job and was moving there. He was leaving in a few days. I was hysterical. We got into it over the house and cars and everything and Leonard just made it all worse, putting in his 2 cents every chance he got. I went to see Jimmy every day until he left. He gave me the keys to the house, but also gave Leonard a set.

On October 2, 2007 I went over to see him, but he was gone. I quickly changed the locks on the house to keep Leonard out and of course the next day when I showed up Leonard was there threatening me because of it. Even tried calling the cops on me, but since it was where Jimmy and I had lived our entire marriage he had no claims on it. Jimmy'd left his computer there, so I bypassed the password and got in. He'd deleted everything, so I did a system restore which took me straight into his e-mail. He didn't leave to see some guy. He left to shack up with some woman in Colorado. He had profiles on x-rated dating sites, some before he ever kicked me out. All these stupid whores talking dirty to him. I found out later that he'd even hooked up with a few of them. The one in Colorado was "the one". His "soul couldn't be lying to him". He'd "never felt this way about anyone before". Sent her poems that he'd written for me. Told her how much he wanted to be with her. They exchanged locks of hair and shirts. Talked about how he kept her hair with him and slept in her shirt to feel close to her. She went on about how she couldn't wait to taste his sweet lips and he went on about wanting to wrap himself around her. I was so upset I ended up having a stroke and couldn't talk for over a month. I still stutter terribly bad and forget mid-sentence what I'm saying. She denied anything. Said they were just friends. Gave me her number to talk to him and after I actually called had it turned off. Got the address and sent him a Christmas present. Things really weren't working out between them by this point and we were talking on a regular basis. I really believed he was coming home.

Well, I talked to him on New year's Day. That was our last true conversation. He stopped answering my calls and text messages. The first of February I tried calling and some bitch answered. Refused to let me talk to him. I texted him and went off about it. "That's Carrie. She treats me good. We're going to Vegas". Told me he was finally happy and that he was never happy with me. Valentine's Day I called again. Again she answered and refused to let me talk to him. I told her I was his wife. She told me "no you're not". We argued and I finally told her "just wait. One day he'll leave you too". "Oh, no he won't! We're in love. He'll never leave me". STUPID STUPID BITCH!!!!! What makes her think she's better than me? I screamed at her that we were in love too and he left me. He'd promised me forever, what had he promised her. I went to a lawyer to find out if he actually could have divorced me without me knowing and I was assured he couldn't have, but advised to go ahead and file. I needed his new address, though, so we called him from my cell phone. No answer. No sooner had I hung up that the bitch calls back going off on me "James doesn't want to talk to you. Stop calling. We're happy. Leave us alone." We got into a screaming match. Told her I needed an address to serve divorce papers and she said they'd already filed and were getting married. The lawyer took the phone away from me and finally got Jimmy on the phone. He said they hadn't actually filed yet, but had started it. She talked him into letting me do it here. I didn't want a divorce. I wanted my husband back.

Three days later I took a bottle of sleeping pills and ended up in the psych ward for a while. He was my life and I can't live without him. He sent my daughter a letter and told her she'd never hear from him again and it was all my fault because I didn't want him to be happy. What about us? We're not happy and it's his fault. We were happy together. What happened? No one even saw it coming. He told everyone that I left him and made himself sound like the victim. Most people know better now, but some still believe him. Said I was having an affair, but he was the one with the mexican girlfriend at work. I was going to Sandy's babysitting multitudes of toddlers while he was going to the club with Leonard picking up strippers. I had a profile on Myspace talking to old school mates, only photos were ones from my business site. He had profiles on meet for sex and horny match, talking XXX rated crap to a bunch of easy hos, posting nude pictures of himself for them to drool over. Yeah, after everything I found out about him I guess I should be happy, but I'm not. I never will be. He was my soul mate. We were supposed to be together forever. Why did this happen? Why?

Well, that wasn't the end of the story. I tried to talk Jimmy into not going through with the divorce, but all he waould do was text me to never call or text him again. I'd been put on anti-depressants, but I still wasn't feeling any better. Berry, the guy I was staying with wanted to get married, but I didn't. I finally gave in, though, and thought maybe I could start over with him. Not so much. Jimmy returned the weekend of my birthday and started calling me. He even showed up at my friend's house for my birthday party. He played up to me and told me he'd missed me. Even got me to mess around with him. Made me believe we still had a chance. I was ready to divorce my new husband, then Jimmy told me it was all a "fun mistake". He didn't even know if we could be friends. Again, I was devastated. I tried to just be friends with him, but after that conversation he wouldn't return my phone calls or texts. By October, the Prozac was doing more harm than good and I was declining fast. I just wanted to talk to him, but when he finally did answer his phone all he could do was yell and get smart with me. Told me it was over and that I wasn't a part of his life anymore. I needed to get over it and accept that...then I heard her. That bitch Carrie from Colorado. He'd moved her here to Missouri. I couldn't deal with it. I went to my mother's to get a gun, ready to shoot them both, myself, and anyone else that got in my way. Needless to say I ended back up in the psych ward. Didn't talk to Jimmy again for almost a year.

Darkholm September 2007
The very last picture I took of him. Taken a day or so before he left.

http://www.druidandgypsy.com/images/life/Darkholm 7-7-2007
One of his clean profile pics.

http://www.druidandgypsy.com/images/life/Darkholm 7-11-2007
Another clean profile pic.

http://www.druidandgypsy.com/images/life/Darkholm 8-24-2007
A picture taken of him at work that I had his cousin get for me.

How We Met

Our Wedding

Renewing Our Vows

Our Family

New Beginnings

Siterings & Search Engines

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